Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
