my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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