it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize