Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
