some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
