i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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