im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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