she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
