Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
