you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
