Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
