So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
