I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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