fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
