Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
