Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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