____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
