found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need water and some morals
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
