He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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