So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
