it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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