He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize