You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
