I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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