just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
