I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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