yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
