we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
