Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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