So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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