mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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