i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I need a burrito and a hug.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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