Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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