Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
