I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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