Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize