If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
