So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
