I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
