I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize