Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
