i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
