you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
