That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
