conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
