is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
