I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh god the rape fog is back!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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