You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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