he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
