No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
