Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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