I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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