i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
