thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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