I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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