Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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