Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
