my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
