forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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