i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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