Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
