i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
