haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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