We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
