Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
