Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
