You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
