so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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