she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
