If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
