The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
