I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
