Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
