Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
