I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
